1985
by CompliCaeted
Summary: Pre-Twilight Era, this is the story of your favorite vampire family, living in Astoria, Oregon - the second rainiest city in the continental USA! High school drama, couple crisis, funny Emmett comments and more! **Please Read and Review!**
1. Highly Depressive State

"Everybody hates me, Emmett."

I turned to him in great disbelief as he lay on the couch, his back to me, curled up miserably.

"No, Edward, everybody doesn't _hate_ you."

"I'm sure they do!" He burst out, sniffing miserably.

What the _Hell_? I shrugged and just went right ahead and ignored him. I was getting quite good at that.

"I don't have any friends." He moaned.

Oh, a porn movie! At 3 in the afternoon? Oh, well. Could be interesting.

"Everybody thinks I'm a gay loser."

Alice was listening to her stupid Cindy Lauper music, upstairs. The volume was turned way too loud, I couldn't hear my porn movie anymore. I raised the volume on the TV to _try_ to be able to hear something. I could picture Alice dancing all over her room, jumping all over in tiny pixie moves, her head shaking like crazy, singing out loud until Jasper would jump out the window. It had already happened before.

"I hate my life."

At least, Rosalie was out and I wouldn't be hearing her complain about how it's stupid of me to still watch porn movies because I get to have _sex _with her, and sex with her was some kind of privilege or something. That was always kind of boring.

"I hate you, you're not even listening to me."

Awh, poor loser, leave me alone.

"I can hear your thoughts, you idiot." He added.

"Oh, well, why don't you go talk to Alice? I'm sure she'd love that." I advised him. Let alone Jasper, who would then be able to enjoy a break from the Cindy Lauper hysteria.

"I'm too weak to go upstairs."

"Then let her come to you!" I suggested. "ALICE COME HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND TURN THE FREAKING MUSIC DOWN!"

"WHY?" She answered.

"BECAUSE I'M GOING TO KILL EDWARD!"

She shut down her stereo in less than and second and screamed back, running down the stairs :

"NO! DON'T KILL EDDIE!"

She smacked me behind the head and sat on Edward's stomach as he just kept on laying on the couch.

"Eddie, what's wrong? Come on, talk to me."

"I hate my life." He moaned.

"Oh... poor baby... hush, now, everything's going to be all right..." She said as she patted his head kindly. I let out an exasperated sigh and rushed upstairs.

Jasper the disco man was sitting on his bed, reading a book, dressed in an amazing John Travolta outfit Alice had given him for his birthday. So _sweet_, right?

"Hey, couldn't you like... cheer him up, emotionally?"

"You know many other ways to be cheered up?" He asked me, skeptical.

Jasper and his stupid sarcasm. Hate it.

"Why would I cheer him up, anyways? It made you lose our bet! And I just won your car!" He shouted happily.

"WHAT?!" I roared.

Oh, right. I couldn't watch porn movies for 24 hours. Oh, shit...

"I hate you."

"I love you too, man." He answered.


	2. Getting Ready with Alice

The timing was somehow _perfect_. Everything was falling right into place, magically.

I mean, he could have picked _any_ other week to throw his little fit. Or Alice could have totally forgotten about the special event.

But she hadn't. In fact, it had been quite a stroke of genius. My little pixie is quite a _smart_ pixie. She was getting him ready in his room, as Rosalie and I watched TV in the living room.

"This is so stupid." I suddenly felt like saying. "Why do we even have to go there? I mean, it's not like we need the money or anything, and it's completely humiliating, and..."

"Calm down, Jasper, it's not like you're the one being humiliated! Your reputation will remain untouched."

My _reputation_. Like I had one of those. I was the blond-freak-who-wouldn't-talk-to-anyone-and-who-looks-in-pain. Quite a nice reputation. But I had come prepared, tonight. I had gone hunting. A whole lot of hunting. All the hunting I could possibly do. I wouldn't have to sit out Edward's humiliation because I hadn't eaten enough. Hallelujah, praise Alice.

"GUYS IS THIS OKAY?" Emmett suddenly roared, running in the room to show us his outfit for the evening. He was dressed _exactly_ like he had yesterday.

"It's very pretty." I commented, absent-minded. I was concentrating on Edward's feelings, upstairs.

"Pretty?! God, I look like a _girl_!" Emmett cried as he ran back upstairs to change.

"See what you've done?!" Rosalie screamed at me, all of the sudden. It made me jump right out of my seat. Her little PMS fits were always startling. "He was _perfect_ and now he's all _sad_!" She said, putting emphasis on random words, apparently. She ran upstairs, and I was alone.

I was alone. Yay.

"Jasper!" Alice shrieked, upstairs. "Will you come here for a moment?"

Huh oh. That couldn't be good. I could sense the sadism in her tone. I ran upstairs resignedly, bowing my head as I entered Edward's room.

I thought I'd die in laughter.

Edward was wearing the tightest pants I had ever had the chance of seeing in my entire life, along the tightest buttoned shirt I had ever had the chance to see. Where had Alice taken this outfit? Seriously...

I watched Edward's expression closely and understood.

"Alice... what's he doing with _my _clothes?!" I snapped.

"Baby..." She moaned. "Emmett's clothes were too baggy... and you're slimmer, so it looks perfectly sexy on Eddie!"

"Nah! Those are _my_ sexy clothes! Give me my sexy clothes!" I roared at Edward.

"I'm not sure I can. Alice has sewn them on."

"What?!"

"They were too tight! I had too!"

"If they were too tight, wouldn't that have meant that they weren't _right for him_?!"

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that..."

"Guys..." Rosalie shouted from her room. "It's almost 9, we have to get going, since we have to be there before everybody else shows up."

"I can't believe people are going to see me wearing _this_..." Edward complained. "Now, they are _really_ going to think I'm a retard."

"Of course _not_, Eddie!" Alice screamed enthusiastically as she jumped up and down. Next thing I knew, she had jumped on my back.

"Are you mad?" She asked me.

"Yes. Get off."

"Jazzie. Baby."

"No, get off."

Emmett was staring at us, laughing quietly.

"Jasper! Are you _mad_!" He suddenly shouted as he jumped on my back too, causing us three to fall on the ground.

"ALL OF YOU, GET OFF!" I shouted.

"Emmett, let's take your Jeep." Rosalie commented randomly.

"No, we can't."

"What do you mean, we _can't_?"

"I gave it to Jasper. I lost a bet."

"WHAT?"

Oh, what an agreable evening in perspective. At the High School Carnival. Hallelujah, praise my Alice.


	3. Just Plain Shocking

It was so perfect! With the lights and the streamers and the music and the people and everything, it was seriously perfect! I hung the last lantern on the back of the stand and turned back to the guys.

Rosalie was heavily flirting with some random school jock in the middle of the street, as Emmett was heavily flirting with some school cheerleader next to our little stand. Jasper was sitting on a chair, looking amazingly (hot) annoyed by everything, talking with Edward who was looking very (weird) uncomfortable.

I love to say I don't do favorism, but I guess I do.

"Jasper, I love you!" I suddenly burst out. He glared at me, unhappy that I had ruined some of his perfectly good clothes for the evening. And unhappy that I had forced him to come. But it was all so _exciting_... and when he'd understand what I had in mind, I was sure he'd be pretty happy.

"Jasper, I love you!" I burst out again.

"Stop saying that." He answered darkly.

"Honey, will you help me hang this?" I asked him.

He got up, sighing and moaning, and hung up the big sign I had drew.

"Can I go home, now?" He asked me. So childish. I jumped all the way to him.

"Please, stay..." I said as pressed my lips against his. He kissed me slightly and sighed again.

"This better be interesting." He grinned.

"Oh, it will." I told him as the first girls approached the stand. There were three of them, three girls I'd already seen in school. They were in my algebra class. Susan, Debbie and Sandra. Super-nice girls.

"Muwhahaha." Jasper laughed beside me.

"Hi, Alice!" Susan smiled at me. She shook her brown hair and ran her fingers through it, nervous.

_Edward!_ I hissed mentally. _Go sit on the stage!_

He got up and walked slowly to the stool on the middle of the stage, right behind us.

"Hi, Suzie! How are you?"

"Fine! Hey, Jasper..." She slurred at my boyfriend. I had a hard time not hissing. I clenched my teeth.

"Heum, hey, you..." He answered, uneasy. He didn't even know her name, obviously.

"So, is it true?" Debbie asked. "We can kiss Edward Cullen... for 20 cents?"

"Yeah! It's our fun contribution to the carnival!" I explained. Jasper grinned, amused, and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his head on mine. He was getting bored.

"Spread the word... we're trying to find Eddie a girlfriend!" I whispered to the girls.

"Oh my God!" Sandra shrieked, excited. She ran to the stage, bowed, and pressed her lips on Edward's, who did not respond in anyway. I rolled my eyes, exasperated.

"Wait up, wait up, Sandra, you'll be getting another shot at him in just a minute! Jasper, Edward, can I see you both behind the stage, please?"

I took Eddie's hand and pulled him on the other side of the drape which was hanging behind the stage. In the dim light of the lanterns, I could barely discern the faces of my brother and my lover.

"Eddie, that's _not_ how you kiss a girl." I whispered. He shrugged, not really caring.

"Jasper, show him." I commanded him.

Jasper ran his fingers in my pixie hair and pulled me up to him, pressing his lips against mine, slipping his tongue delicalely in my mouth, smoothly, romantically. After a few seconds, Edward sighed.

"Heum, guys." He cleared his throat.

"Oh, come on! Now, Jasper, kiss Edward."

"What?!" He shouted, alarmed.

"He obviously doesn't know how to, so you have to help him out!"

"Never!" Edward shouted.

"Well, I'm not kissing you, and you have to prove me that you can - "

Edward sighed again, dug in and kissed Jasper. I took a step back, shocked, as Jasper tried to push Edward away. After a short second, Edward let Jasper go.

"All right, now?"

"Oh my _God_!" Jasper shouted. "You _kissed_ me!?! Oh. My. God!"

"Oh, get over it. Now, let's go back, I'll kiss as many girls as you guys want and then we can go home, okay?" Edward told me quickly.

He walked back to the stage and Jasper stared at me, a hand on his mouth, wide-eyed and shocked.

"He kissed me!"

"I know..."

"What the..."

"I know."

We walked back to the stage, only to notice a consistent line of girls was forming in front of the stage.


	4. Blond Outburst

This is _amazing_. I feel like running / screaming / singing / laughing my ass off or something. Wouldn't it be the right thing to do?

Edward has been french-kissing girls for Alice's stupid fund raiser for like two hours. Two _freaking_ hours. Unbelievable.

Okay, it's pretty fun to watch, but all in all, _I'm_ not the one making out with everybody, so... kind of boring for the sexiest Mr. Cullen of the bunch! Excluding Carlisle a.k.a Doctor Love. I mean, he's the sexiest... Don't tell anyone I said that.

"I wanna go home." Jasper moaned again. Gosh, what is he, 5 years old? Get a hold of yourself, man! I slapped him on the back and he almost sniffed.

"NEXT!" Alice chanted, happy to have found Edward dozens of horny lady friends.

"How come you lost you car to _him_?" Rosalie shouted at me. Jasper shrugged.

"He's a sexaholic." He explained.

"I'm not!" I had to at least _try_ to defend my honor.

"And what are we going to do without a car, huh?!" Rosalie shouted (again). Man, that girl loves a good shout.

"Well, you still have your corvette, so, I don't see what the big deal is..."

"The big _deal_, mister, is that you have _lost_ your _really valuable_ car to our _lunatic _brother!"

"I'm not a lunatic!" Jasper argued weakly. "That is so mean! You guys are so mean... what do you think, that I don't have feelings? That I don't hear when you guys say that about me? That I just don't care! I got more feelings than you guys! I get affected by things, too! Nobody ever takes a second to wonder about what I want, huh? Eddie's depressed, everybody rushes to help him out, nobody ever takes the _time_ to notice that I'm way more of a social outcast than that idiot and it's like nobody cares! I want friends, too! I want to be loved, too! I want Alice to kiss me, like all those girls kiss Edward!"

Rosalie and I stared at him, shocked. What the _Hell_ is wrong with him? We _care_ about him! I even _listen_ to him, once in a while! Why all the outbursts, today?! Can't people just be happy?! Nobody cares about if that makes me happy or not! Nobody ever asks! Everybody just keeps on assuming that I'm happy, that everything is fine, but no one ever asks me!

Whoa, what's happening to me?

"Muwhahaha." Jasper laughed evily.

"Hey! Don't do that."

"It was funny!"

"What was funny?" Rosalie asked. "Don't change the subject! Jasper, are you going to give us back the Jeep?"

"Never."

"Why not?! Am I not your favorite sister?" Rosalie slurred at him.

"You are my _only_ sister, Rose. And no, I'm not giving back the car."

"Whatever, moron." She sighed as she walked back to the stage, where Edward was fiercely making out with another girl. Blond. Pretty cute. Nice rack... Ooh... what a rack... Wouldn't I love to just take those two big -

"JASPER!"

"Sorry! I just couldn't resist!"

I grinned and sat on the curb next to him.

"Now, stop those mind games and talk to me. You know we love you, bro! Come on! I'd do anything to see you smile your stupid smile, right now."

He grinned at his feet and shrugged.

"Edward kissed me." He suddenly whispered. I chuckled for a second and stopped, understanding he was serious. Really serious.

"What?"

"I'm weirded out."

"Yeah, I could tell! I'd be, too!"

"I just want to go home and forget all about this and have sex with Alice."

"Ew, TMI, man... Don't want to hear that."

"Oh, sorry... And Alice ruined my clothes.

"Oh, forget it, man, they were ugly, anyways."

Then, he smiled his stupid smile. That just warmed my heart right through.

"Is he ever gonna stop?"

"Never, man. Wait until the guys get in line." I laughed quietly as we went on staring at the dimly-lit stage.


	5. PostTraumatic Morning Disorder

That _idiot_ lost his _car_. To _Jasper_. Gosh. Seriously.

I am _not_ having sex with him again for an entire _year_. That'll show him. I'm not kidding around. I don't care if people think I'm not a serious girl. I say very _serious_ things, when I want. Especially to Emmett.You lose you really _expensive_ and _sexy_ Jeep, and you're not getting _any _of it. I don't _care_ if he has _needs_. Men are just too capricious. I mean, hello?! That's what masturbation is about.

"Rosalie. Ew."

"Sorry, Ed."

I mean, seriously. All in all, how immature is Em --

"Do we really have to go to school?"

"Don't _interrupt_ me, Edward."

"Yes, Edward, you have to go to school. If I have to go to work, you have to go to school, no matter how many girls you kissed last night." Carlisle answered.

Edward sniffed and walked slowly upstairs to his room to put on something decent for school. Who cares if he's not dressed decently. He could just show up naked, for all _I _cared. Anyways… So, where was I? Hmm… Oh, right, Emmett is not going to have sex with me anymore. End of the story. That's _it_. I'm not going to take it anymore.

Jasper ran down the stairs happily, which was quite peculiar, considering Edward had french-kissed him a few hours earlier at the carnival. I mean, we _all_ knew that Edward had _gay _tendancies, but still --

"I DON'T HAVE GAY TENDANCIES!"

"You kissed Jasper!"

"Guys, can we just _never_ talk about this again, please?" Jasper begged me, looking weak and… weak. "I mean, I'm really trying to erase that memory from my mind, right now, and you guys are not helping."

I shook my head.

"Give Emmett his Jeep back, and I _might_ consider not talking about it again."

Jasper shrugged and rushed to Carlisle.

"Daddy, can you please sign this? It's a thing that says I don't ever have to go to school ever again and I can stay home alone."

"Jasper, you _have_ to go to school and obtain your 64th high school diploma. It's very important." Carlisle chuckled.

"But I hate it."

"So did I. And look at me, now! I'm a doctor!"

"Good for you! Can't I just go back in the army or something and skip all this school nonsense?"

"Nope."

"Please."

"No."

"I hate you _and_ Edward."

"Good."

Jasper rushed back upstairs, groaning madly. Alice screamed as she saw him, upstairs. His hair looked like crap. It needed a good shot of combing. I could imagine her sitting on his lap in a sexual way, combing his hair… ew.

"Awh, talk about teenage crisis. Poor Jasper." Carlisle commented.

"Poor Jasper. He's a moron."  
"Rosalie, I would appreciate if you could stop calling Jasper a moron." Esme said. "He is not a moron."

"I'M NOT A MORON!"

"Of course not." I smiled. Of course he was. Muwhahaha.

"Now, get going, you're late for school. All of you."


End file.
